Japanese これ・それ・あれ: The 'This/That' That Tracks Mental Distance, Not Just Physical

🗣️ Two words English uses where Japanese uses three

Hi everyone, Kenji here 😊

English makes do with this and that. Japanese has three — これ (kore), それ (sore), あれ (are) — plus どれ (dore) for which. They're called the こそあど demonstratives.

At first they look like distance markers. They are — but there's a mental dimension to them too. That's where English speakers stumble.

📏 Layer 1: Physical distance

The simple, textbook layer:

Prefix	Word	English	Position
こ	これ	this	near me (speaker)
そ	それ	that	near you (listener)
あ	あれ	that over there	far from both of us
ど	どれ	which	unknown (question)

📝 At a restaurant

You: これをください。 — pointing to a menu in your hand Friend: それは何なに？ — looking at the menu you're holding Server: あれが一番いちばん人気にんきです。 — pointing to a poster across the room

This layer maps cleanly onto English this/that. The interesting part starts now.

🧠 Layer 2: Mental distance

In conversation about something not physically present, Japanese still uses こそあど — but now to track whose head holds the information.

1. Only the LISTENER knows → use そ

When they bring up a topic you don't know about, refer to it with そ. You're 'reaching across' to their mental space.

🗣️ Friend's weekend story

A: 昨日きのう新大久保しんおおくぼに行いったよ。 — I went to Shin-Okubo yesterday. B**: そこは**人ひとが多おおかった？ — Was it crowded there? (there = a place B hasn't been; it's in A's mental space)

2. BOTH speakers know → use あ

A shared memory, a place you've both been, something you both know — use あ. This is the one English speakers miss most often.

🗣️ Old memory

A: 去年きょねん一緒いっしょに行いった海うみ、覚おぼえてる？ — Remember that beach we went to last year? B**: うん、あの時ときは**本当ほんとうに楽たのしかったね。 — Yeah, that time was so fun. (that time = a memory both of us share — あ, not そ)

⚠️ Using その時とき in this scenario would imply you weren't actually there with B — like you're hearing about it secondhand. Awkward.

👔 Layer 3: The polite version (こちら・そちら・あちら)

In business or with strangers, use the more polite 〜ちら forms. They also work as direction markers.

Casual	Polite	Use
こっち	こちら	this way / over here
そっち	そちら	that way (your side)
あっち	あちら	that way (over there)
どっち	どちら	which way (polite どこ)

⚠️ The biggest English-speaker mistake

When you bring up a memory you share with someone, your English instinct says "that trip we took" — you say that, so your Japanese reaches for その.

That's wrong. Shared memory triggers あの.

❌ Wrong: 去年きょねんその映画えいが見みたね。 ✅ Right: 去年きょねんあの映画えいが見みたね。

✨ Kenji's recap

Physical: こ (near me) / そ (near you) / あ (far from both).
Mental: そ (in YOUR mind only) / あ (in BOTH our minds).
Polite version: こちら / そちら / あちら for business.
The shared-memory trap: use あ**, not そ**, when you both know the thing.

Once you start tracking whose head holds the info, picking the right one becomes automatic. 😊